New Year New Blog . . . Platform!

 Welcome to 2026!!!

It is the start of a new year and to kick things off I am making some changes to this blog - well the hosting platform of the blog.

When I first started this blog last April I was using WordPress. If you have ever blogged or read a blog you have probably used WordPress. It is pretty much the go-to for blogging because it is a simple and reliable way to get started and that is what I wanted. I had also used WordPress in the past on another project so I felt it would be a good option for me that wouldn't have too steep of a learning curve. I got it set up in about a day and Gilded Frontier was ready for the world!

WordPress was working okay for me, but since I used it in the past they have added a lot of new features and plugins that I didn't know how to use so I just didn't bother touching them. As I continued blogging I attempted to learn what all of the buttons on the WordPress dashboard did and utilize them to improve my blog, but honestly I was just feeling overwhelmed by it all. There were so many different tabs and I had to click through so many different menus just to find the one thing I needed. I also still just didn't have a need for a majority of the stuff on my dashboard - it was all just clutter. 

I started this blog because I wanted to be able to fulfill my childhood dream of being a blogger. I don't have grand intentions of turning this blog into the next big influencer hot spot. I just want to post about my house, and my dolls, and whatever other random thing I am enjoying at the moment and post it. WordPress is a great platform and if you are in need of a reliable blog platform with lots of options for expansion then I would definitely recommend it. For me personally - for this blog in particular - it was just too much. I just want a simple platform to post and see some comments from people. I don't need or want all the other options cluttering up my screen so I decided to search for a new blogging platform in 2026 that would give me just that. 

Back when I was a kid and on my first shaky attempt to start a blog there was one platform that reigned supreme - Blogger! It was a free platform with the most basic customization and almost no info on views or website stats to be seen. You just logged on, picked a color for your blog, and started typing. When I imagined myself working on Gilded Frontier this is what I had in mind, just a bare bones, type and post, no frills platform. It seemed reasonable to me that if I was going to fulfill my childhood dream of being a blogger then I was going to need to go back to the platform that started it all! 

I know what you are probably thinking, "Blogger still exists?"

Yes! Yes it does! And it is just as great as ever!

I made an account, chose from one of the approximately five themes they have available, changed the limited customization options for a few minutes until I had everything to my liking, and within an hour I had the new Gilded Frontier all set up and ready to go! There are no plugins asking me to activate them. There are no long menu chains to find a single button. There are no AI Integration options offering to type my blog posts for me. It is just a simple dashboard with a bright orange button that says "New Post". It is everything I wanted - which is to say that it is nothing! Just me and my blog. I also love how nostalgic this platform is for me. I feel like I am back in middle school blogging about the latest Sims 2 expansion pack like I was some sort of tech expert. I definitely just dated myself a bit there, but oh well. I am having fun on memory lane while typing this out!

I was able to get all of my posts from WordPress transferred over here too as well as the domain name. Some of the pictures of the old posts were a little weird when they transferred. I went through and corrected as much as I could, but I couldn't fix everything. If you see a picture on an old post that feels a bit out of place or overly large or small I apologize - as much as middle school me would have liked to be, I am still not a tech expert. I do still have big opinions about Sims 2 though so maybe I will still write about that again someday!

So here we are! Starting the new year on a new blog platform! Or maybe its a really old platform depending on how you look at it? Regardless - Gilded Frontier is back for another year and it is going to be better than ever! I have big plans for 2026. Most important is getting my tiny house built finally! I have already started working on it again and am excited to start making update posts on progress soon! The restoration of my Kailey Hopkins doll is still in full swing too and I will have more updates about her coming as well. I have also decided to start an Instagram account. I am not the best with social media like Instagram so I can't promise that posts over there will be anything real great, but I though it would be nice to have a way to post pictures of the day-to-day work on my house and other projects outside of the large project update posts I have here. If you want to check it out you can do so here! Don't feel like you have to subscribe if you don't want to. Social media is crazy these days so if you would rather limit the amount of content you consume in a day I don't blame you! 

I am so excited for this new simplified blogging platform and am ready to start writing! Thank you for being here and seeing the new and improved Gilded Frontier! Hopefully this blog refresh will be the start of a great 2026! I wish all of you a fantastic new year as well - may we all have a happy and safe 2026!

Getting Kailey Cozy!

Now that Kailey is clean and refreshed it is time to start making her some clothes! I decided to start by making Kailey a set of pajamas so that she can have a cozy outfit to wear while I work on the rest of her clothes. After 22 years of being played with Kailey deserves to rest in comfort while I get her wardrobe put together!

Designing Kailey's Pajamas

Kailey was the second Girl of the Year ever released and because she was one of the first she had a pretty small collection. I want to make Kailey considerably more clothes than what she originally came with so I am going to have to use my imagination and make clothes that I think Kailey would wear. One piece that I am going to have to make from scratch is pajamas - Kailey's original collection had no sleepwear at all. I want to stick with the same color scheme as her original collection so I am going to be using purple, blue, teal, turquise, and green colors to stay with the theme.

For her pajamas I decided to use a teal/green colored flannel mixed with a cotton print I found that I thought matched the ocean vibe of Kailey. I modified McCall's pattern M8309 a little bit to make her a cute little pajama romper! Sewing the romper together was pretty straightforward following the pattern. The most time consuming part was just getting all the ricrac trim sewed on. I enjoy sewing by hand in the evenings while I watch tv so it took me awhile. I know I could get projects finished much faster if I used a sewing machine and maybe in the future I will, but right now I am enjoying taking my time and working on each piece by hand.

After getting the romper pieces sewn together it was time for the hard part - button holes. I wanted to put some buttons on the back instead of velcro, but I had never sewn button holes before. In order to learn though you must be willing to try so I marked the spots and carfully cut holes in the romper I spent hours sewing together. My first attempt at hand sewing around the edge of the button hole was pretty bad so I ripped it back out, but after my first attempt and failure I was able to successfully get all three button holes finished off. They aren't perfect, but they are pretty dang good for my first try!

I wanted to give Kailey another pajama piece to add to her look in addition to the romper and I found a light green shirt made out of a velvety fabric at the thrift store that matched her pajamas perfectly. I decided to turn it into a robe so she can stay warm in the winter! I intentionally cut the pattern pieces so that I could use the original hem of the shirt as the hem of the robe so that it has a really nice finish on the bottom.

The Finished Product!

And just like that Kailey had a beautiful robe and pajama set to wear! I also made a new bandana for Sandy the dog so that she can match Kailey!

I think her pajamas turned out amazing! The colors suit Kailey perfectly and I can definately see her coming home from a long day at the beach to warm up in her fuzzy robe! Now she can sit and relax in comfort while I work on all the rest of her clothes!

Kailey Hopkins Restoration!

She has finally arrived! The first doll for my restored American Girl Doll collection is here!

Meet Kailey Hopkins!

Kailey is the 2003 girl of the year - the second girl of the year ever released. Her story focuses on her attempts to save the tide pools at her favorite beach from being destoryed as part of a new shopping mall development. She loves to swim in the ocean, spend time with her best friend Tess, and learn about ocean critters!

I got this Kailey Hopkins doll off of eBay for $15 plus shipping. I have never restored a doll before so I was a little nervous ordering her, but the idea of restoring well-loved dolls to their former glory and creating a one-of-a-kind collection is an idea that I just couldn't let go of once I thought of it! I waited patiently for her to arrive in the mail and now she is here - and her dog Sandy was included with her!

She was in pretty rough shape when she first arrived. Most notably she had some holes in her face and ears where someone tried to give her some piercings, pink stains on her legs, some staining on her cloth body, and some leftover nail polish on her fingers. Sandy also had a small tear in one of her seams. Otherwise Kailey was actually in really good shape. Her limbs were all still stiff enough that she was able to stand on her own and although her hair needed a good brushing it was shiny and soft. Overall I was very happy with how Kailey arrived!

The first thing I decided to work on was the stains. I gave her a good wipe down with a disinfectant wipe just to make sure she was clean and then got my supplies. After some research I decided to use non-acetone nail polish remover and a magic eraser to try to take the marks off her legs and arms. I got my magic eraser out, got it wet, set Kailey up for a good scrubbing, and . . . nothing. I could not get the pink marks to come off of her legs! The non-acetone nail polish remover also had no affect on the stains. I am still at a loss about what might get those marks to come off so if you have any suggestions for me let me know! Thankfully the marks are in spots that are not super noticable (except for the one on her knee) so for now I am not too worried about them.

I had much better luck with the leftover nailpolish on her fingers. a wipe with the non-acetone nail polish remover had her hands clean and looking like new again!

Before and After

After washing her body it was time to tackle her hair. There are lots of recommended methods for washing American Girl Doll hair. After doing my own research I have decided to keep it pretty simple. I washed her hair with a clear and gentle dish soap and luke warm water. I made sure to rince very well to make sure I got all of the soap out while also making sure I didn't get any water in her eyes.

I was afraid that brushing out and steaming her hair would be a long and painful process, but I actually loved it! I went through starting at the back of her head and seperated out each row of her wig. I sprayed, steamed, and brushed out each individual layer of the wig all the way up to the top of her head. It was a really relaxing activity. I just put on a YouTube video and started brushing. I could probably brush doll hair for hours and not get bored. I was just loving it!

When I was all done brushing every level of her wig I was blown away by the final results - her hair is so beautiful! It is straight and sleek while still being soft and flowy. I am so happy with how well her hair cleaned up!

With her hair looking fresh and pretty again the next step was to work on the holes near her eyebrow and in her ears. Kailey has two small holes around her left eyebrow and multiple holes in each of her ears where someone attempted to give her eyebrow and ear piercings. Between the eyebrown piercings and leftover dark nail polish it is safe to say that this Kailey doll used to be a baddie in the past!

This may be controversial, but I decided not to repair these holes - I decided to keep them. I love having the chance to take a doll that has fallen into disrepair and restoring it to its former glory, but I don't want to completely erase a dolls history either. This Kailey doll is from 2003 and has had 22 years of life before finding her way to me. She has clearly been through it in her time, but she has also clearly been loved. Although a Kailey doll would not have had an eyebrow piercing if bought new (because she is a ten year old girl), this specific doll does have an eyebrow piercing. It is a part of THIS Kailey's unique story. My goal is not to erase the history and love that these dolls have in their past, but continue their story and give them a bright future.

So here is my attempt to give an American Girl Doll an eyebrow piercing - I actually think it turned out pretty good! I used some gems and glued them to her face using a vinyl safe glue to cover the holes in her eyebrows. I chose this color because it is close to the colors that Kaileys original outfit had. I plan to make her new clothes while keeping to the original color scheme of the doll so I wanted to make sure her eyebrow piercing would match all of her new clothes.

I also covered the holes in her ears with gems and some small starfish charms I found. Kailey's story is all about saving the tide pools and the small animals she loves who live in tide pools. I thought the starfish earrings would be perfect for her!

The last step in the process of restoring Kailey was to put her hair back in its original style. A new Kailey Hopkins doll in 2003 was sold with two braids at the front of her hair. I was nervous about the braids because I wasn't sure I would be able to make them both look even. I have to tell you though, I think I might have missed my calling as a doll hair stylist! I was able to get both braids in and even on my first try - and I think they look perfect!

I sewed up the seam in Sandy's side and then Kailey and her dog were all done and ready for their after photo! Here is the before and after:

I am actually so happy with how she turned out! She still has some pink marks on her legs, but I was able to get the nail polish off her hands and the stains out of her body cloth. Her hair is my favorite part. It just turned out so much more beautiful than I thought it would! I wasn't sure if I would have the skills necessary to restore an American Girl Doll and I know I still have a lot to learn, but for my first restoration I think this was an incredible success! Kailey is ready for a new wardrobe to match her new makeover!

Join me next time as I begin working on all new clothes for Kailey - and some bandanas for Sandy too!

Beginning My Childhood Dream Collection!

I have decided to embark on a new quest today - one that I have dreamt about since childhood. I am going to start collecting American Girl dolls!

A Little Girls Dream

Like most little girls, I was obsessed with American Girl Dolls when I was young. The day the catalogue came in the mail was like a national holiday for me and I would look it over for hours in awe. The dolls were all so beautiful and the characters were so rich. The world of American Girl dolls had me captivated.

I am a practical person though and was even as child. My sister and I both loved playing with Barbies and since Barbies were smaller, cheaper, and generally easier to play with that is the toy I would always ask for around birthdays and holidays. I did get two American Girl dolls as a child though. The first was Nellie. I remember watching the Samantha movie and absolutely loving Nellie. My parents got her doll as a Christmas gift for me that year. I still have her to this day and although young me lost a few of her accessories, I still have almost her entire outfit and she is in shockingly good condition for a doll that was played with pretty regularly.

American Girl Doll Nellie - My First American Girl Doll

Although I loved Nellie, I wanted a doll with a more modern style and long hair to play with too. For my second childhood doll I saved up my birthday money and spent several days weighing all the options from the Just Like You collection until I settled on my choice. I picked Just Like You #24 which at the time I purchased came with the "I Like Your Style" outfit. I still remember the day she was delivered - I was helping my mom clean house when the box arrived. I wanted to open her up right away, but I didn't want to risk getting cleaning supplies on her and ruining her on day one so I waited until we had finished. Staring at that box the entire time we were cleaning house was torture, but so worth the wait! She was absolutely perfect - and still is! Her name is Leah Iris and she has been one of my best friends for almost 20 years now!

Last year in 2024 I decided to take a weekend vacation and drive down to Dallas. While I was there I of course had to stop into the American Girl Doll store. I had been to an American Girl Doll store before, but had never bought anything. On my trip last year I decided to set a little money aside for another doll I had been wanting since childhood - a Bitty Baby doll. I chose Bitty Baby #2 with the full playset. I named her Clarissa and she was a cute addition to my tiny little collection.

Since I am in the process of moving right now and am currently living in my parents garage, I have most of my stuff in storage. This includes my Nellie and Bitty Baby dolls (each packed safely in their own special box) and all the accessories I have for the three of them. Leah is still with me though - I don't think I would be able to get through this move without her! She chills on my bed a makes the garage a little bit more homey.

A Change of Heart

Like I said, I am a pretty practical person. Although I have always dreamed of having a large collection of American Girl dolls with the full historical line and loads of accessories and playsets, I have always talked myself out of actually collecting any dolls besides the three that I have. American Girl dolls are not a cheap investment. A new Truly Me doll (the current version of the Just Like You series) will start at $135. Historical girls and other special collections such as doll of the year can go for $200 or more and their playsets and accessories can add another couple hundred to the total cost. In addition to price, American Girl dolls and playsets can take up a lot of space. I am moving into a tiny house soon and don't have much room for a large collections of dolls. Also, I have a cat - a cat that likes to knock stuff over and chew on things (like doll hair). I would hate to spend money on a brand new doll just to have my cat break her in the first few minutes of owning her. For all these reasons and more, I have never gotten into doll collecting even though I have always wanted to, but things are about to change!

These last two weeks I have been doing a lot of travelling for work. Thankfully my employer pays milage for all the driving I have been doing. I am going to be getting almost $400 just for my travelling these last two weeks in addition to my normal paycheck. My car gets really good gas mileage so I only spent around $50 on gas which leaves me with an extra $350 dollars of unexpected income to do whatever I want with. The practical thing to do would be to put this money into my bank account and use it to help with the cost of my home build, but the less practical part of my brain that has been hidden for most of my life has started to make an appearance now that I am getting to a good place in my life with my finances and my mental health. It is telling me that maybe I should do something stupid and start the American Girl doll collection I have always wanted.

What has brought about this sudden idea you ask? Well, its not totally sudden. I have been debating purchasing an American Girl doll for all of 2025 so far. The Girl of the Year 2025 Summer McKinny has been calling to me since she was released. Her story is one that I really like. She is an entrepreneur and has her own dog walking and bakery business. I have dreams of starting a business myself and was an Entrepreneurship major in college. I love managing small businesses and it is what I have done for most of my career. I also love her pets! She has a cat named Fettucine (one of my favorite foods) and a dog named Crescent. It also makes me happy to see an American Girl doll get released with glasses as part of her main look. Lots of dolls have glasses as part of their accessories kits you can purchase, but Summer has glasses that she wears full time that come with her doll and that she appears wearing on the cover of her book. I also wear glasses full time and love that her and I can match. Aside from her story, I also just love the appearance of her. Pink is my favorite color (if you couldn't tell from the theme of this blog) and she comes with a pink streak in her hair. Her rainbow dress is super cute too!

Summer McKinny - Photo from American Girl Website

As much as I love and resonate with everything about Summer, I have talked myself out of buying her for almost 9 months now. All the reasons why purchasing an American Girl doll right now would be a bad decision and a waste of money have kept me from pulling the trigger and getting her. This extra $350 dollars that has suddenly come my way has made me rethink though. Would one more doll really be such a bad thing? She wouldn't take up much room and I don't need her full collection just the doll and her pets, right? I can keep her safe from my cat and find a place to display her in my new house that he cant reach surely?

And just like that - I have decided to buy Summer McKinny.

I haven't ordered her yet. I have heard that the 2026 girl of the year is going to be announced in September and I am hoping that once the new one is announced that they might put Summer on sale and I could save a little bit of money. The practical part of my brain hasn't completely gone away! Regardless of whether she goes on sale or not, I am going to buy Summer soon before the end of the year.

Down the Rabbit Hole

While I was researching Summer and trying to make my decision I got to doing some research about other Girl of the Year dolls and ended up going down a bit of a rabbit hole - and by a bit I mean a MAJOR rabbit hole. I ended up on eBay where I found . . . her.

Kailey Hopkins and Sandy for Sale on eBay

This is Kailey Hopkins and her dog Sandy. She was the 2003 Girl of the Year and the second Girl of the Year ever released. I saw this picture on eBay and had the most incredible idea - what if I collect American Girl dolls, but with a twist? Instead of purchasing new or mint condition dolls, what if I buy the dolls that have been (to put it nicely) well loved and try to restore them to their former glory?

This method of acquiring dolls would solve a lot of my problems with regards to collecting. I would not be spending as much money on dolls because I would not be buying them new. I would not feel bad if my cat got ahold of one and damaged it because the dolls are already in rough shape. They wont take up (as much) space because I am not getting the entire collection, just the doll. In addition to eliminating my barriers to collecting this method also has two really great benefits. One, I have an excuse to do endless craft projects. I don't plan on tracking down and buying the dolls original clothing and accessories (that would be too much work and money) I am just going to sew them some clothes that look similar to their original styles. This now gives me an excuse to start more craft and sewing projects! The second major benefit is that I get to give these dolls a second lease on life. I am one of those people who was really hit hard by Toy Story as a kid and seeing an abandoned and broken toy will always make my heart hurt. By taking the broken and beat up dolls that no one else wants and restoring them as close as possible to their original state I can make a difference in a dolls life!

This Kailey Hopkins doll was originally listed at $20 but I offered $14 and it was accepted. She is in the mail on her way to me right now and I can't wait for her to show up! I am going to be making several posts about the process of restoring her and making her some new clothes so stay tuned for the full process! I will still be ordering Summer new because I just adore her and want her, but after her I am all in on old dolls. Let the worlds most busted up and mix matched collection of American Girl dolls begin!

I am going to have the American Girl doll collection that I dreamed about as a child - it is just going to be a collection unique to me! Safe to say that no body else will have a set of dolls exactly like mine!

Finally A Foundation!

Its been over a month since I have been able give an update on my home building journey, but I am back today with good news - I have a foundation!

My foundation!!!

Concrete has been poured into the footers and forms and has now set into a beautiful and solid slab. It certainly doesn't look like much, but this unassuming patch of concrete will one day support my home!

The process of getting a foundation has been much longer and more difficult than I ever thought possible. It seemed as if the entire world was against me at times. The record breaking amount of rain in my state this year made it impossible to get the ground dug and forms in place. Equipment malfunctions set us back during the few days of good weather we did have. I spent more nights than I care to admit lying in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if I had actually made the right choice. Maybe selling my house in the city to build my own tiny home wasn't the right path for me. Maybe the rain, the breakdowns, and the setbacks were all God's way of telling me that I was going in the wrong direction and needed to turn around. Maybe I should give up.

But then I read something that changed my entire perspective. 1 Corinthians 16:8-9 says, "But I will remain in Ephesus until Pentecost; for a wide door for effective service has opened to me, and there are many adversaries." When I face challenges and setbacks my first instinct is to run the other way. If so much is against me God must be trying to tell me this is not my path. In this verse however Paul is saying the he will stay on the path with the opposition specifically because there are so many adversaries. Why?

Because the opposition is not from God - the opposition is from the enemy. God loves us and he wants to see us succeed. He will not throw countless struggles at us for the intent of breaking us and making us give up on our path. There are forces in the world that do want to see us defeated though. When we are on a path of greatness and heading in a direction that will truly lead us to a wonderful place in life that is when the enemy will be working its hardest. They will be doing everything in their power to stop our progress and make us give up on reaching the wonderful place we are working towards. Opposition and setbacks are not a sign from God that you are doing the wrong thing - they are a sign from the enemy that you are doing the RIGHT thing and that you must carry on.

Paul knew this. He knew that adversaries were the proof that what he was doing was good and he was exactly where he he needed to be so he stayed on his path. I will stay on my path too. The opportunity to have a home I own outright with no monthly utility bills would provide me with the greatest stability in life. It would give me the freedom to actually live instead of just survive. This is what the enemy does not want me to achieve. This is why I must keep going even though I know I will face many more struggles building the rest of the house like I have while building this foundation. The journey will be hard, but the reward will be worth it!

A Pause in Progress

I am more determined to build my own home that I have ever been about anything in my life, that doesn't mean the path there is straight ahead though. I will continue on the path of building my own home (enemies be damned), but I must first take a brief detour.

Every year I work a temporary job in the fall. I have done this for the past seven years and am really looking forward to continuing this year. I am not going to share where I work for obvious reasons, but just know it is a great place and I am so happy to return for another season this fall! This is the biggest money making job of the year for me and over half of my yearly income will be made between now and November. As such this job takes a lot of my time. I won't be able to work on my house and work at this job at the same time. As much as I would like to, I don't want to spread myself thin and end up doing a poor job at both. I would rather step away from the house for a few months and put everything into my job and then return and put everything into my house again when work is finished. I am very blessed with parents who are willing to let me live with them a bit longer than originally planned while I work my job and then build my home.

Just because I am stepping away from my home doesn't mean I am going to stop progress on my life in general. I still have big plans for myself outside of my house and I think these next few months are a great time to get started on some of my side goals! I will explain more in a future post, but for now just know that there are great things on the horizon!

Rocks and Rebar

Work on the foundation has continued to move forward over the last few weeks. Though the process has been much slower than I would like due to record breaking amounts of rain we have been having in my state, I am still doing as much as I can to keep things moving forward. The two largest projects I have completed recently have been rocks and rebar.

Rocks

The next step after the foundation footer trenches were done was to get the middle of the concrete slab area prepped. To do this I first needed to put vapor barrier over the dirt and then a layer of rock. The vapor barrier was not too difficult. The wind tried to grab it a few times, but I was able to get it all assembled and in place in under two hours.

Vapor Barrier

I determined that to get the depth of rock I would need for the area of my foundation slab I would need about 6 tons of rock. There is a great rock company in this area that delivers rock for driveways and construction projects. Their trucks can carry about 15 tons per load. My dad has been wanting to add more rock to the driveway at their house so we decided to go ahead and get a full truck of 15 tons delivered and have about half poured out at my place and half placed on my mom and dad's driveway. The truck driver we got was wonderful and was able to get the pile right next to the trenches!

I was a little intimidated by the size of the rock pile at first. The width of the trenches made it impossible to get any equipment onto the slab site so all of the rock was going to have to be shoveled and put in place by hand. This is another situation where I have my amazing family to thank for the ability to get this done in a timely manner. My mom, dad, and I started shoveling rock around 1:30 pm and we finished up smoothing and filling in the rock layer around 5 pm. Moving 6ish tons of rock by hand is not for the faint of heart (literally don't do this if you have any heart condition!) but with help it can be accomplished!

The left picture below is the pile of rock when it was delivered and on the right is after we had all the rock spread out over the vapor barrier. Please forgive the lighting in these photos - it was a bit cloudy the day we did this which was great for keeping us cool while working but not so great for pictures!

Rock for Foundation

Rebar

After rock was done it was time for rebar. I took a quick trip to the local home improvement store for supplies and then I got to work bending and placing rebar. This process actually went much smoother than I anticipated. I have never worked with rebar before and when I first started trying to bend the pieces using a three-point rebar bender I had gotten I was having some issues. I got it figured out though and in no time at all I was bending rebar like a pro (probably not, but oh well). I got all my rebar spaced out in a 2ft by 2ft grid and then used wire to tie it all together. I actually quite enjoyed this. I got a little spinney tool that helps twist the wire and I just went around the whole place looping it all together. I then used some brick chunks my parents had leftover from a project to put underneath some of the places where the rebar pieces crossed each other to hold the entire grid off of the rock layer a little bit. This way when the concrete gets poured the rebar will float inside the concrete layer. All total getting the rebar grid put together took me about 12 hours over a two-day period.

Rebar Grid

The next step in the process is to get forms built and secured so that concrete can be poured. At this time I genuinely don't know when this is going to happen. We have had so much rain in the last few days that the footer trenches have completely flooded. The ground is also extremely soggy so even if I bailed the water out of the footers it would still be impossible to get a heavy concrete truck out to the site without it getting stuck. It is a bit frustrating. My state is known for having droughts and the year I decide to build a house we have record breaking rain. I am trying to stay positive though! Being able to build my house from scratch with my own two hands is something that not a lot of people ever get to do. As much as I would love to have this house done and built I am also trying to soak in the experience and enjoy this process as much as possible - even the delays!

Hopefully I will have a concrete update for you soon! Until then I hope everyone is having a great summer!

I Am Perfect

One of the hardest things I have had to come to terms with in the last few years is the fact that I am neurodivergent. I spent most of high school and college believing that my mental health issues were just a reflection of the place I was in life. I thought that once I got out of school and got more control in my life that I would be able to get out of the bad place I was in mentally. Unfortunately though, when it finally happened and I was living on my own with a good job I found I was still struggling. I couldn't understand why the things that came so naturally to other people were such a battle for me. I spent years hating myself thinking I was a lazy, unmotivated, waste of a person who couldn't even do a simple thing like living and working.

What I came to find out after many years of struggling is that my issues were not because I am a horrible person. My issues came from an undiagnosed neurodevelopmental disorder - autism. I am autistic. Finding this out three years ago was a double edged sword. On the one hand I realized that all of my struggles (difficulty holding a job, difficulty keeping friends, unable to manage work/life balance, rejection sensitivity, depression, OCD) were not just me being lazy and lacking self control. My struggles were real and valid problems that almost all women with autism face. It was not all in my head and I am not a terrible person when I have to fight to achieve things that others do without a second thought. My brain is not wired the way a neurotypical person's brain is and therefore I am not always able to do the same things as neurotypical people. Knowing this is a relief, but on the other hand I am also faced with the reality that these struggles are never going away. There is nothing I can do that will ever make my brain work normally and there will never be a single moment in my life that I don't have to fight a war with my own brain.

Honestly it has been difficult these past few years coming to terms with this. I am glad that I now know about myself and why I struggle. I have been able to find resources for people with autism that have helped me some in improving my depression and productivity and I am grateful at how much progress I have made since learning I am autistic. However, I would be lying if I said I never had days where I just wish I could be normal. I would give anything to be able to wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, work on a craft project for a bit, and then go to bed. That's not how my brain works though. It never will be. I could write a whole book about the difficulty of accepting that I am autistic and what my life looks like as woman living with autism - and maybe someday I will - but that is not really what I opened my laptop today to write about.

I am writing today to talk about one small little breakthrough I had today. I started a new devotional this morning called "Strong, Brave, Loved: Empowering Reminders of Who You Really Are" by Holley Gerth. The very first lesson in the book really struck me hard. It asked me to complete the sentence "God says I am . . . " and I found I had a very quick and easy answer to that question. Here is what I wrote:

"God says I am perfect - I am exactly as I am meant to be. I may have flaws, but God gave me those flaws for a reason. They are not flaws to Him, they are features. He equipped me with these features so that I would be perfectly designed to live the life and fulfill the purpose he created me for. I will not look at myself as a broken and flawed person - I am not. I am perfect. I am strong. I am loved. I am blessed. I am capable. I am a creation of God and I am exactly as I am meant to be."

I have spent my fair share of time crying and wondering why I was born with autism. Why did I have to be born broken and flawed. It just hit me today when I was reading that devotional that I am not flawed. God did not make a mistake when he created me. He is not the professor from the Power Puff Girls - He didn't accidentally spill something in his lab and mess me up. He created every single speck of me with intention. He put me together exactly as He wanted me to be, exactly as I am supposed to be, and he did so without error. Being born with autism was not a flaw, it was an intentional design choice - a feature God gave me specifically so that I could complete the purpose that He created me for.

I wasn't sure when I started this blog if I wanted to talk about being autistic or if I wanted to hide that fact. I was leaning toward hiding it. I have talked in some previous posts about my mental health struggles, but I have been intentionally framing them in a way that I didn't have to specifically say that I am autistic. I realized today though that I have no reason to hide this about myself. Having autism is a large part of what makes me the person that I am - and I am exactly the person that God made me to be. Why should I hide or feel ashamed of that?

Acceptance is still an ongoing process. I know I will still have days that I would give anything to not be autistic. I hope that as time goes on though those days will become few and far between. Learning to accept God's love for you is also learning to love yourself exactly as God created you. I am choosing today to accept one very simple truth - I am perfect.